Many a times life gets really unpredictable and takes turns that lead you to situations that are beyond your imagination of what really hell is like...
I have had terrible lows and failures. And the lack of people who fail to either understand or support but push me down further is what i have had around me for company and relationships. Its like putting out a cigarette butt on a healing wound! Fresh wounds never pain as much as its reminiscence does with friction. Point being... I haven't been lucky enough to have people who can really understand me or be my backbone during my testing times.
Resentments build in everyone's life, but people tend to have the good times to dust it off... My waking memory till now has only been of bad treatments, failures, setbacks and betrayals. It happened in the recent past again when i tried my level best to get out of this net that is so impassable.. And this time i just broke down. 31 is still young an age to get there. But what do you do if you dont see any light at the end of the tunnel?
I was and still am in that stage. And it would be stupid to say that it doesn't feel like the most hopeless position to be at from a vantage point. But! You can afford to live. As long as someone is not taking away your basic human rights, as long as you breathe, a long as you have a little bit of mental capacity to still function and as long as you can look at the next meal and shelter it is not the end! I happened to get there twice and its not been an easy journey. So here is what you should read from me as a human being who stands at the same threshold as you do...
1) Setbacks happen... Its natural but you might be unlucky that it happens with you more than what it does with others around you. It is fine! It took Abraham Lincoln thirteen losses to get to pass the 13th amendment as a president! And an accomplished one at that! If history be the source of encouragement then he too suffered a nervous breakdown in this process but he lived to see a better day... Great leader but humane you see. So what you need to learn from it is that people will talk negative about you. Some will use it to hurt you and push you further down. You take a stance to either allow it or not. Do not under any circumstances let anyone tell you that you are a failure. Chances are that they too have failed in life in some way or other. winning 100% is impossible. Its the grand design of this universe. You are also a part of it.
2) When stakes are high your disappointments and the repercussions are also high. That said, in the past one week I have met people from various walks of life only to realize that your past or present is never a guarantee of what your future holds for you both good or bad. When you find yourself in such situations understand that this is just a slight deviation and it will not mean that you can never get up.
3) It is best not to think of a future when you are suicidal. In fact you should just think of food sleep and shelter. You have a whole lifetime to focus and analyze but not when your brain is twitching to screw it all and get lost.
4) For a minute sit and think why are you ending it. Whether it even requires that kind of a step and if its that upsetting then why should you not work at not thinking about it. Love yourself enough... It doesn't matter if nobody else does. But you should.
If you are reading this please know that i was going through the same phase a month ago. If nobody loves you then i as a fellow human being do love you and you deserve to live even if people around you have a distaste for you or even if life at this moment seems impossible to live. Talk to me. Connect with me and mail me... I will listen. I had nobody to talk or pour out my feelings simply because my friends and family and relationships were not supportive and understanding. But you have the previlage! So please write a mail or start a chat when you feel hopeless. Together we will think of what will make you live! In a month's time i have started eating everyday, i go for long and silent walks, I maintain absolute silence and i am trying to live one day at a time! If you are keen we can sit and chalk things out. If I can so can you!
I can be reached at: Saumya.sunder@gmail.com, if you just came across my blog and would like to help others in the same situation then kindly help me raise funds for becoming a volunteer with the Imalive foundation that helps people across the world who are in such crisis situations and reach out to chats or calls to trained volunteers who can talk them out of it.
https://www.imalive.org/adf7ee2d
Why am i doing this? because if i am here and i have nobody to hear what i feel then perhaps it is a sign that i am getting stronger so that i help those who need some listening. Love and peace until then!
I have had terrible lows and failures. And the lack of people who fail to either understand or support but push me down further is what i have had around me for company and relationships. Its like putting out a cigarette butt on a healing wound! Fresh wounds never pain as much as its reminiscence does with friction. Point being... I haven't been lucky enough to have people who can really understand me or be my backbone during my testing times.
Resentments build in everyone's life, but people tend to have the good times to dust it off... My waking memory till now has only been of bad treatments, failures, setbacks and betrayals. It happened in the recent past again when i tried my level best to get out of this net that is so impassable.. And this time i just broke down. 31 is still young an age to get there. But what do you do if you dont see any light at the end of the tunnel?
I was and still am in that stage. And it would be stupid to say that it doesn't feel like the most hopeless position to be at from a vantage point. But! You can afford to live. As long as someone is not taking away your basic human rights, as long as you breathe, a long as you have a little bit of mental capacity to still function and as long as you can look at the next meal and shelter it is not the end! I happened to get there twice and its not been an easy journey. So here is what you should read from me as a human being who stands at the same threshold as you do...
1) Setbacks happen... Its natural but you might be unlucky that it happens with you more than what it does with others around you. It is fine! It took Abraham Lincoln thirteen losses to get to pass the 13th amendment as a president! And an accomplished one at that! If history be the source of encouragement then he too suffered a nervous breakdown in this process but he lived to see a better day... Great leader but humane you see. So what you need to learn from it is that people will talk negative about you. Some will use it to hurt you and push you further down. You take a stance to either allow it or not. Do not under any circumstances let anyone tell you that you are a failure. Chances are that they too have failed in life in some way or other. winning 100% is impossible. Its the grand design of this universe. You are also a part of it.
2) When stakes are high your disappointments and the repercussions are also high. That said, in the past one week I have met people from various walks of life only to realize that your past or present is never a guarantee of what your future holds for you both good or bad. When you find yourself in such situations understand that this is just a slight deviation and it will not mean that you can never get up.
3) It is best not to think of a future when you are suicidal. In fact you should just think of food sleep and shelter. You have a whole lifetime to focus and analyze but not when your brain is twitching to screw it all and get lost.
4) For a minute sit and think why are you ending it. Whether it even requires that kind of a step and if its that upsetting then why should you not work at not thinking about it. Love yourself enough... It doesn't matter if nobody else does. But you should.
If you are reading this please know that i was going through the same phase a month ago. If nobody loves you then i as a fellow human being do love you and you deserve to live even if people around you have a distaste for you or even if life at this moment seems impossible to live. Talk to me. Connect with me and mail me... I will listen. I had nobody to talk or pour out my feelings simply because my friends and family and relationships were not supportive and understanding. But you have the previlage! So please write a mail or start a chat when you feel hopeless. Together we will think of what will make you live! In a month's time i have started eating everyday, i go for long and silent walks, I maintain absolute silence and i am trying to live one day at a time! If you are keen we can sit and chalk things out. If I can so can you!
I can be reached at: Saumya.sunder@gmail.com, if you just came across my blog and would like to help others in the same situation then kindly help me raise funds for becoming a volunteer with the Imalive foundation that helps people across the world who are in such crisis situations and reach out to chats or calls to trained volunteers who can talk them out of it.
https://www.imalive.org/adf7ee2d
Why am i doing this? because if i am here and i have nobody to hear what i feel then perhaps it is a sign that i am getting stronger so that i help those who need some listening. Love and peace until then!
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